let it out.part 2

Final thoughts and reflections: AKA. PART TWO: SelflessGood people. Good hearts and spirits. Good head on their shouldersPoor organization. Poor handing out of basic information.Does that mean poor leadership? At a college of leadership?Realizing that we arnt all perfect and that its a HUGE church and HUGE college to manage and take care of, and that there are problems with everything people do.. I know all this.. but.. it seems to me that when you become aware of the problems that are repeated in students every intake, the same clueless questioning looks from students ...you would locate the problem, and atleast TRY to fix it.
Is anyone hearing me? Am I talking to myself? Considering the house here mainly makes sounds in Africaans, I'm starting to think I am talking to myself. I am crying to myself. I am stuck inside myself, alone. Cut off from you guys. I love and miss you. Kidnap me, please.

Its weird how God grows missions and a passion for justice in a person. A love revolution is hard to be broken inside of your heart. You get bombarded with it. Attacked by the differences and washed over in a semi-cultural shock that has invaded every single fibre of your being and you can't shake it off. Then, you break, you carry the burdens. They weigh you down unless you hand them to God straight away.BUT, of course, God wants you to FEEL the weight. the sin. the failures and pains of this world. So you must wait for Him to come. To relieve you, to work in you the passing of hopelessness to hopefull and trusting in Him and His justice. WOW.
It's hard to find, especially given the critical head on my shoulders. The bitterness has faded and for the last 3 days I seem to be crying on and off. For India, Haiti,Africa. For widows and children...For the compromises humanity is making, or forcing others to make on a daily basis. For the world. For the love and salvation and HOPE - that everyone out there really needs to be aware of and see as a cure to the ailings of societies and cultures worldwide. We don't event know how to pick up our own garbage from a cafe, and the same species is supposed to be able to aid in the effects of global warming, provide free health and education and food to everyone? We need to first learn how to pick up after ourselves. And man, that's got me most hopeless of all. Again, the tears. God save us from our horrible mistakes. Please let hearts and eyes open and ACT. Bring forth your hands and feet from the shackles they've been trained to sit in .You have unlocked them, given us the key. Pray we put down the chains and pick up our crosses, however hard it may be. Let us know we are free. And the responsibilities it holds. Remind us this is not a free cruise ship, that we must be out in the life boats , ready for the call to head out and retrieve the lost, the drowining.
Be careful what you pray for, it just might be answered.it's like a joke, but the biggest moment of my life at the same time. God, why have I had an interest in everyother place but africa. Why do I care, but remain uninterested in the specifics. Please, help me understand this. If I meant to make a change, to go and love on the nations and make a breakthrough with this generation and a change that shifts hearts and heads, give me the evidence it's what I am to do. Please God, show me something.

And BAM.-The next week I head on a plane. I have a vision of being barefoot in a hut at sunset.(which I remember from 2 years ago)
-I have no bed. No place to rest my head. And God gives me a garage full of bedding and blankets,hangers and shoes. I have never owned more that 2 pairs of shoes at once before, and now am clothed and blessed with lovely satiny,shiney church shoes?
- I am a woman of God and now knowing it. Realizing the authority and power in Him. Opening up to His strength and letting it out in dreams and ideas placed there by the creative creator.
-I am in a house of Africa, with film, food , language, visiting families and all round way of doing things. I am learning and breaking and being pruned constantly. Faith once rooted is now growing and running out of room for soil, so now I need to shop for that with no money in my bank account.
-Still I can't help but tithe and offer to God the nothing I have. There is nothing greater that giving. All I Need Is Him.

Careful: dreams just mite come true. granted they can first come crashing into your sleep like a nightmare, but once you awaken into them they reveal this truthfulness that you've never really heard until it strikes like a chord. Diminished? maybe. But once it resolves...You can't help but let it ring into you.affecting you. changing you. and playing that same progression over and over again. Powerful. For the first time, you really do hear it. You really do understand it. You get the theory of it all and how to use it. And its applied into your life forever in a variety of different ways. It affects how you play. How you play the game. Your actions. All beacuse of the way you hear it. Wo. thats a different note. maybe ill get to that one sometime.