Final thoughts and reflections: AKA. PART TWO: SelflessGood people. Good hearts and spirits. Good head on their shouldersPoor organization. Poor handing out of basic information.Does that mean poor leadership? At a college of leadership?Realizing that we arnt all perfect and that its a HUGE church and HUGE college to manage and take care of, and that there are problems with everything people do.. I know all this.. but.. it seems to me that when you become aware of the problems that are repeated in students every intake, the same clueless questioning looks from students ...you would locate the problem, and atleast TRY to fix it.
Is anyone hearing me? Am I talking to myself? Considering the house here mainly makes sounds in Africaans, I'm starting to think I am talking to myself. I am crying to myself. I am stuck inside myself, alone. Cut off from you guys. I love and miss you. Kidnap me, please.
Its weird how God grows missions and a passion for justice in a person. A love revolution is hard to be broken inside of your heart. You get bombarded with it. Attacked by the differences and washed over in a semi-cultural shock that has invaded every single fibre of your being and you can't shake it off. Then, you break, you carry the burdens. They weigh you down unless you hand them to God straight away.BUT, of course, God wants you to FEEL the weight. the sin. the failures and pains of this world. So you must wait for Him to come. To relieve you, to work in you the passing of hopelessness to hopefull and trusting in Him and His justice. WOW.
It's hard to find, especially given the critical head on my shoulders. The bitterness has faded and for the last 3 days I seem to be crying on and off. For India, Haiti,Africa. For widows and children...For the compromises humanity is making, or forcing others to make on a daily basis. For the world. For the love and salvation and HOPE - that everyone out there really needs to be aware of and see as a cure to the ailings of societies and cultures worldwide. We don't event know how to pick up our own garbage from a cafe, and the same species is supposed to be able to aid in the effects of global warming, provide free health and education and food to everyone? We need to first learn how to pick up after ourselves. And man, that's got me most hopeless of all. Again, the tears. God save us from our horrible mistakes. Please let hearts and eyes open and ACT. Bring forth your hands and feet from the shackles they've been trained to sit in .You have unlocked them, given us the key. Pray we put down the chains and pick up our crosses, however hard it may be. Let us know we are free. And the responsibilities it holds. Remind us this is not a free cruise ship, that we must be out in the life boats , ready for the call to head out and retrieve the lost, the drowining.
Be careful what you pray for, it just might be answered.it's like a joke, but the biggest moment of my life at the same time. God, why have I had an interest in everyother place but africa. Why do I care, but remain uninterested in the specifics. Please, help me understand this. If I meant to make a change, to go and love on the nations and make a breakthrough with this generation and a change that shifts hearts and heads, give me the evidence it's what I am to do. Please God, show me something.
And BAM.-The next week I head on a plane. I have a vision of being barefoot in a hut at sunset.(which I remember from 2 years ago)
-I have no bed. No place to rest my head. And God gives me a garage full of bedding and blankets,hangers and shoes. I have never owned more that 2 pairs of shoes at once before, and now am clothed and blessed with lovely satiny,shiney church shoes?
- I am a woman of God and now knowing it. Realizing the authority and power in Him. Opening up to His strength and letting it out in dreams and ideas placed there by the creative creator.
-I am in a house of Africa, with film, food , language, visiting families and all round way of doing things. I am learning and breaking and being pruned constantly. Faith once rooted is now growing and running out of room for soil, so now I need to shop for that with no money in my bank account.
-Still I can't help but tithe and offer to God the nothing I have. There is nothing greater that giving. All I Need Is Him.
Careful: dreams just mite come true. granted they can first come crashing into your sleep like a nightmare, but once you awaken into them they reveal this truthfulness that you've never really heard until it strikes like a chord. Diminished? maybe. But once it resolves...You can't help but let it ring into you.affecting you. changing you. and playing that same progression over and over again. Powerful. For the first time, you really do hear it. You really do understand it. You get the theory of it all and how to use it. And its applied into your life forever in a variety of different ways. It affects how you play. How you play the game. Your actions. All beacuse of the way you hear it. Wo. thats a different note. maybe ill get to that one sometime.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Covered white as snow
Cover me white as snow.
just searching some youth groups and young churches, ran into this.
EdCooper's "When Grace Stopped By":
(preached and shared with revolution Charlotte,revolution church.com)
When Grace stopped by my darkened soul,I wondered just how long Grace would stay.
I know that God made Grace possible,Through the blood of His only Child.
That only made me feel more unworthy,Of such a great and wondrous sacrifice.
My soul is so black that even I can not look,For more than a few moments at a time.
Now Grace has stopped by,I fear Grace will run away.But you know she has stayed a few days,And my soul seems lighter when I look.
What a grand day when I know Grace will stay,And my soul will be white as snow.
Then when I look in the mirror of my soul I will see,Not what the world sees
but what God has always seen.
Its crazy just how powerful the Presence of God can be. After being annointed the other nite, you could just feel the grace and Love falling down on us. I have never felt that before. Not with that much understanding and peace in my heart enough to embrace it and love who and what God is that much more for it.
-this Dustin Kensrue cd is awesome, thanks devon-
anyways, after meeting 4 marks and the words warrior, and power poppin up all around.
God used my roommate to remind me of something from the week.
...I asked God , during one of the rallies, that if I was thinking right, understanding what was being revealed to me correctly, that He could give me a sign. This is the first time I have ascked God for a clear sign . Like ACTUALLY physically and not just a spiritual feeling or gut instinct. So God physically places 4 people around me in every situation ( which is very limited for me since I'm not even started in school yet) !
God is all about numerical things. So I searched around the number 4. A verse on prayer matched up from biblegateway and it stuck because I have been seeking how to pray stronger and grow with God steady on in it. SOooO
The prayer verse was about the jewish prayer shawl, and placing tassels on the four sides of the shawl. The four spaces represent God, they spell YHWH-which is Yahweh in....aramaic?? no idea, different research. AnyWHoOdles,
The next description to go with the shawl was what God led me to most. The shawl, the tassles and corners, they were all set up numerically down to the thread with the aims of remembering all ofGods 613 commands for us. That shawl was only the beginning. All the work and knowledge of that shawl and it wasnt even the whole thing for prayer!
Yes, they think about the laws, and God, and various numerical equations for the sake of being crazy mathematicians ( ok. made that one up)... bUT BUTT- the shawl was worn. and there was to be peace. even with the wailing wall... the historical info I found spoke of prayer being known more to the jewish community as listening more than really speaking in a back and forth or a humanly one-sided conversation.
and BAM! That nite ( last nite) I also read parables. Jesus was always saying at the end, ''those who have ears, let him hear" . And I said, c'mon Jesus. Why do you keep saying that? What does it MEAN?! C'mon!! ahK!.
So at 1 am I found myself running into all of these things online and my heart and head let out a resounding. *ahhh* and *woow God, thank you so much*
Who's got ears? I'm working on it now.
oh, and the other significant thing here is that the listening also implied more of a surrendering of your mind and thoughts. So that God could speak to you and work on your heart. And thinking too hard and getting sidetracked have been things that I have found hard lately too. So it's awesome to hear that I'm gaining the knowledge to not think so hard and stop and listen.
.... try to tackle THAT one!
I love it guys, this place is great. The spiritual place I am in is what I find most foreign, and just as mystical and adventurous as the land itself. God has made some pretty funky squalking irds that I can't stop laughing at when I hear them.
no eye has seen. no ear has heart. no heart yet fully knows.
ooOOh baby, the best is yet to come.
just searching some youth groups and young churches, ran into this.
EdCooper's "When Grace Stopped By":
(preached and shared with revolution Charlotte,revolution church.com)
When Grace stopped by my darkened soul,I wondered just how long Grace would stay.
I know that God made Grace possible,Through the blood of His only Child.
That only made me feel more unworthy,Of such a great and wondrous sacrifice.
My soul is so black that even I can not look,For more than a few moments at a time.
Now Grace has stopped by,I fear Grace will run away.But you know she has stayed a few days,And my soul seems lighter when I look.
What a grand day when I know Grace will stay,And my soul will be white as snow.
Then when I look in the mirror of my soul I will see,Not what the world sees
but what God has always seen.
Its crazy just how powerful the Presence of God can be. After being annointed the other nite, you could just feel the grace and Love falling down on us. I have never felt that before. Not with that much understanding and peace in my heart enough to embrace it and love who and what God is that much more for it.
-this Dustin Kensrue cd is awesome, thanks devon-
anyways, after meeting 4 marks and the words warrior, and power poppin up all around.
God used my roommate to remind me of something from the week.
...I asked God , during one of the rallies, that if I was thinking right, understanding what was being revealed to me correctly, that He could give me a sign. This is the first time I have ascked God for a clear sign . Like ACTUALLY physically and not just a spiritual feeling or gut instinct. So God physically places 4 people around me in every situation ( which is very limited for me since I'm not even started in school yet) !
God is all about numerical things. So I searched around the number 4. A verse on prayer matched up from biblegateway and it stuck because I have been seeking how to pray stronger and grow with God steady on in it. SOooO
The prayer verse was about the jewish prayer shawl, and placing tassels on the four sides of the shawl. The four spaces represent God, they spell YHWH-which is Yahweh in....aramaic?? no idea, different research. AnyWHoOdles,
The next description to go with the shawl was what God led me to most. The shawl, the tassles and corners, they were all set up numerically down to the thread with the aims of remembering all ofGods 613 commands for us. That shawl was only the beginning. All the work and knowledge of that shawl and it wasnt even the whole thing for prayer!
Yes, they think about the laws, and God, and various numerical equations for the sake of being crazy mathematicians ( ok. made that one up)... bUT BUTT- the shawl was worn. and there was to be peace. even with the wailing wall... the historical info I found spoke of prayer being known more to the jewish community as listening more than really speaking in a back and forth or a humanly one-sided conversation.
and BAM! That nite ( last nite) I also read parables. Jesus was always saying at the end, ''those who have ears, let him hear" . And I said, c'mon Jesus. Why do you keep saying that? What does it MEAN?! C'mon!! ahK!.
So at 1 am I found myself running into all of these things online and my heart and head let out a resounding. *ahhh* and *woow God, thank you so much*
Who's got ears? I'm working on it now.
oh, and the other significant thing here is that the listening also implied more of a surrendering of your mind and thoughts. So that God could speak to you and work on your heart. And thinking too hard and getting sidetracked have been things that I have found hard lately too. So it's awesome to hear that I'm gaining the knowledge to not think so hard and stop and listen.
.... try to tackle THAT one!
I love it guys, this place is great. The spiritual place I am in is what I find most foreign, and just as mystical and adventurous as the land itself. God has made some pretty funky squalking irds that I can't stop laughing at when I hear them.
no eye has seen. no ear has heart. no heart yet fully knows.
ooOOh baby, the best is yet to come.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Rep the King. Rep Rep the King.
Our Wildlife Youth Chant. and we won. Tribal wars with the united youth group from Hillsong Conference this week was great. Getting to work with them everyday and ship em out on buses back to conference was fun. Who do you know that can get some masses singing * to the left, to the left. everybody here on the bus to the left*? It was a blast. God has been so good. blessings are all over. Learning africaans. an invite to africa for christmas, and a house across the road from the college and church. Ive had a fever all week but strength in the Holy Spirit kept me going, I have never been so determined to fight for joy and fun adventure as I have this week.
My first shower here was freezing becuase I couldnt figure out the taps, now I have warm ones. My food cupboard used to be of nutellino ( cheaper than nutello) and cookies, now I have food. I am officially settling in, and I know the year will be great. I started reading a leadership book and it has me thinking in so many different ways, very cool.
there were many things i was going to write. but i cant seem to remember them.
Fasting next week for prayer on guidance and music and worship , wondering what God wants me to bring back home. There was annointing at the en of the conference last nite. Everyone in the building was annointed with oil. It was so mysctical. Like David and 1samuel mesmerizing. Then it goes on into the harp, and how annointed worshippers can use their harp, their worship and music and break down walls, kingdoms, and bring victory and peace. Resolving the fears of even the Kings and kingdoms. Its so powerful. POWER. That word seems to be all around me lately. in what I read, in who I talk to. And Yesterday I sat nex to three different aussies, in the conference and at the bus for coming back to the school after volunteering. All three were named Mark. When I told this to the third Mark, he told me that the name is latin for Warrior.
Putting Power, Warrior and all that God has told me this week together and there is a big chapter coming in my life that is the *miracle* God has for my life. The part where the dreams and the plans actually come in. take place. get set in the nets and fill it beyond capacity.
The hardest thing was realizing that I needed to adjust, change my bearings. I was trying to fish on the otherside of the boat because I didnt know any better. I was going after the wrong things. The music. But its the giver of the music. The provider , not the provisions, the blesser, not the blessings. Things like that. Now everything is different, same dreams. same plans from God for my life. But now Hes actually the one I'm totally surrendering it to. Not my controls or anythign like that. Its such a simple thing to realize, you'd think. I think the routine had me brainwashed. the music. the playing. being * the bass girl* in church.since I started playing.
A week before I left to come to australia, the church called me asking if I could play for VBS in july.
I said actually, I'm leaving for australia in a few days.
She said, oh.. so you'll be gone for the month then? Thats ok.
My reply was, actually, Im gone or a whole year.
She was silent.
That seems to be the voice of suprise in the church lately. And its weak. Its the sound of a person not being able to come to grasps with suprises. God is a creator. Creative. He's all for changing things up in our lives to eep us going strong. When we are weak, we are silent. This isnt me picking on the poor lady who called, its just me bouncing off that event and into the deeper side of something like that that took place. Responses. Revival. They go hand in hand.
We need to be *comfortably uncomfortable*
The second we become lazy christians who sit back in our recliners, we let all that God has for us slip away. We just want the hearty fatty helping of comfort foods feeding us as we kick back in the laz-y boys. The church HAS been feeding that plate. too much. for too long. to too many people. no, not every church. I'm just saying the spirit in general that many churches are experiencing. Wondering why the revival isnt coming. why the change isnt breaking free. Its because Gods people are slowly pushing away the idea of breaking free from the ways that came before them. I belive the generation before mine experienced benefits from the gen before that . Now who is passing it on?
The work, the labour must be done before there is a harvest. If we dont want to plant seeds in our fields or the fields of our neigbours then why are we staying satisfied eating a harvest that either a) wasnt of our labour, freely given and recieved. or b) we arnt even planting more fields. we eat up all there is and leave nothing behind for the generation(s) to come.
WOW.To love. To be a servant. Keep your eyes open to seeing just what God has it loooking like today. You may be suprised. And you should be. In a sense of, Go With IT!
...... this wasnt where I wanted to go with the lady and the phone call.
THIS is where I wanted to take that.....
I find it a trajedy when a call for help is made, in the expectancy, in the predictableness of a yes. Of running into no obstacles. Of not having to make another call or choice. It's like what?.. I'm sorry that my leaving is an inconvenience to you.
But its a sign of a relationships that fail us in the church. do we know who we work with? Our community is only as strong as we build into it. If there is no effort and no relationship, things can only progress so far and survive for so long. The awakening for me was this week, at conference. I realized that God has come first, but maybe second to playing so much. I didnt take playing cocky, or for granted. because I love it and I love praising God. and that I have the opp to do it with others, and lead that way, you know what i mean.? but,
after so long of it, of saying yes to everyone. my mind got molded into a weird way of serving THEM instead of GOD. Yeah. thats a pretty big smack in the face. And I wasn't raised in a christian home, so I think I'm being honest with God and myself when I say its really been a jouney on a highway, of back and forth from missing exits, of knowing when or what to pass and when to keep following through...that has been that hardest to figure out.
There is so much that I have missed out on that God isnt mad at, but He really REALLY wants to show me and make sure that I know now. Because once I know and grow, I'm set. and ready to start out on a * whole, nutha, level*
So wont you break free? Get up and dance in His love?
Dancing freaks most trad christians out. yet David did it. Naked yet.
Now we will dance. And Rep the King. Rep Rep the King.
My first shower here was freezing becuase I couldnt figure out the taps, now I have warm ones. My food cupboard used to be of nutellino ( cheaper than nutello) and cookies, now I have food. I am officially settling in, and I know the year will be great. I started reading a leadership book and it has me thinking in so many different ways, very cool.
there were many things i was going to write. but i cant seem to remember them.
Fasting next week for prayer on guidance and music and worship , wondering what God wants me to bring back home. There was annointing at the en of the conference last nite. Everyone in the building was annointed with oil. It was so mysctical. Like David and 1samuel mesmerizing. Then it goes on into the harp, and how annointed worshippers can use their harp, their worship and music and break down walls, kingdoms, and bring victory and peace. Resolving the fears of even the Kings and kingdoms. Its so powerful. POWER. That word seems to be all around me lately. in what I read, in who I talk to. And Yesterday I sat nex to three different aussies, in the conference and at the bus for coming back to the school after volunteering. All three were named Mark. When I told this to the third Mark, he told me that the name is latin for Warrior.
Putting Power, Warrior and all that God has told me this week together and there is a big chapter coming in my life that is the *miracle* God has for my life. The part where the dreams and the plans actually come in. take place. get set in the nets and fill it beyond capacity.
The hardest thing was realizing that I needed to adjust, change my bearings. I was trying to fish on the otherside of the boat because I didnt know any better. I was going after the wrong things. The music. But its the giver of the music. The provider , not the provisions, the blesser, not the blessings. Things like that. Now everything is different, same dreams. same plans from God for my life. But now Hes actually the one I'm totally surrendering it to. Not my controls or anythign like that. Its such a simple thing to realize, you'd think. I think the routine had me brainwashed. the music. the playing. being * the bass girl* in church.since I started playing.
A week before I left to come to australia, the church called me asking if I could play for VBS in july.
I said actually, I'm leaving for australia in a few days.
She said, oh.. so you'll be gone for the month then? Thats ok.
My reply was, actually, Im gone or a whole year.
She was silent.
That seems to be the voice of suprise in the church lately. And its weak. Its the sound of a person not being able to come to grasps with suprises. God is a creator. Creative. He's all for changing things up in our lives to eep us going strong. When we are weak, we are silent. This isnt me picking on the poor lady who called, its just me bouncing off that event and into the deeper side of something like that that took place. Responses. Revival. They go hand in hand.
We need to be *comfortably uncomfortable*
The second we become lazy christians who sit back in our recliners, we let all that God has for us slip away. We just want the hearty fatty helping of comfort foods feeding us as we kick back in the laz-y boys. The church HAS been feeding that plate. too much. for too long. to too many people. no, not every church. I'm just saying the spirit in general that many churches are experiencing. Wondering why the revival isnt coming. why the change isnt breaking free. Its because Gods people are slowly pushing away the idea of breaking free from the ways that came before them. I belive the generation before mine experienced benefits from the gen before that . Now who is passing it on?
The work, the labour must be done before there is a harvest. If we dont want to plant seeds in our fields or the fields of our neigbours then why are we staying satisfied eating a harvest that either a) wasnt of our labour, freely given and recieved. or b) we arnt even planting more fields. we eat up all there is and leave nothing behind for the generation(s) to come.
WOW.To love. To be a servant. Keep your eyes open to seeing just what God has it loooking like today. You may be suprised. And you should be. In a sense of, Go With IT!
...... this wasnt where I wanted to go with the lady and the phone call.
THIS is where I wanted to take that.....
I find it a trajedy when a call for help is made, in the expectancy, in the predictableness of a yes. Of running into no obstacles. Of not having to make another call or choice. It's like what?.. I'm sorry that my leaving is an inconvenience to you.
But its a sign of a relationships that fail us in the church. do we know who we work with? Our community is only as strong as we build into it. If there is no effort and no relationship, things can only progress so far and survive for so long. The awakening for me was this week, at conference. I realized that God has come first, but maybe second to playing so much. I didnt take playing cocky, or for granted. because I love it and I love praising God. and that I have the opp to do it with others, and lead that way, you know what i mean.? but,
after so long of it, of saying yes to everyone. my mind got molded into a weird way of serving THEM instead of GOD. Yeah. thats a pretty big smack in the face. And I wasn't raised in a christian home, so I think I'm being honest with God and myself when I say its really been a jouney on a highway, of back and forth from missing exits, of knowing when or what to pass and when to keep following through...that has been that hardest to figure out.
There is so much that I have missed out on that God isnt mad at, but He really REALLY wants to show me and make sure that I know now. Because once I know and grow, I'm set. and ready to start out on a * whole, nutha, level*
So wont you break free? Get up and dance in His love?
Dancing freaks most trad christians out. yet David did it. Naked yet.
Now we will dance. And Rep the King. Rep Rep the King.
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